 - When did you first become aware of a desire to stimulate yourself sexually? What triggered it? How did you do it? How did you feel? Did you have to hide it from others? How did it influence your further sexual life?
I had a friend at school, Natasha, her family lived in a house, and there was a barn in their yard where they kept firewood. That barn was where we went after school and sitting on the logs in the dusk continue our secret conversations, which became even more open in the dark. We spoke of everything we knew about what grownups did at night…
In the course of one of those conversations Natashka asked me to tell or better show how a man would caress a woman with a hand. I refused at first, then said that I could show it, but only on her. After a short argument and giggling she agreed and pulled down her panties. I began to stroke her with my finger and suddenly I felt that I myself enjoy touching her body a lot - the spot there was unusually tender. Natashka giggled at first, then she leaned backwards and froze in a tense position, shut her eyes clutching at the wood.
Her reaction told me that something important and unusual was going on, and that turned me on too. I deliberately tried to stick my finger deeper into her little folds, because I saw how she winced and gasped for breath when my finger touched a certain spot.
At last she asked ‘Stop it…’ in an unfamiliar whining voice, threw her arms around my neck and clung to me and I felt her heart pounding madly. I did not understand what happened to her, began to apologize thinking that I hurt her unintentionally. But she drawled in the same fickle- offended voice: ‘Yeeesss… If it hurt… You do not understand nothing…’ And began to giggle nervously.
I demanded she did the same to me this time. And under Natashka’s brisk little fingers I felt it…too
After we discovered that remarkable secret, we spent a lot of time in that barn exploring each others and our own bodies. We did not feel embarrassed at all – the pleasure was much stronger than any shame. There was so much tenderness and trust in our relationships, that you can probably call it love. Or maybe it was love indeed.
I have quite a bit of experience with men now and can say, for example, that with a man I could hardly sit opposite one another and masturbate looking into each others eyes. There are certain borders you cannot cross with a man. But with Natashka it was so easy, natural and without any inhibitions to our mutual pleasure. With her we masturbated only – our ‘lesbian’ relationships did not go any further with her. It lasted for two years – we both had enough time to learn what orgasm is.
Then interest in boys separated us, it was sincere on my behalf too – so I do not think I became a lesbian in full sense of the word, I think you can call me bisexual. But somehow it did not go any further with Natashka, we are still friends although and still see each occasionally.
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